As I sit here to write this, I’m not sure of the words or part of my journey that I want to share. So I guess as you begin to read this, I’ll let you know a little bit of what to expect. My journey to pregnancy was not easy, just like so many other couples out there. I felt the need to share the full story – good, the bad, what I did, and what I wish that I did. These thoughts and experiences are completely my own, in the hopes that it may allow someone else to find comfort in the unknown, or the support they need going through a difficult time. Or… to just celebrate!
So let’s start back in the beginning.
To grow our family, or to not grow our family – that is the question
For years, Tom and I kept putting off the idea of growing our family. Every year we’d say, “next year, definitely,” and then… it would pass by. After three years of that, we finally had a real conversation about whether we even wanted kids.
We’re so happy and content with our life. Genuinely. We have a beautiful relationship, we love what we do, and we’ve built a life that feels incredibly fulfilling. So we found ourselves asking: do we really need to take that “next step”?
We had lots of conversations. Thankfully, we were always on the same page—even if that page changed. Some days it was, “maybe we’re not meant to do this,” and others, “would we regret not trying?”
Looking ahead, we realized: yeah, we’d regret not at least giving it a shot. So in August of 2023, while we were in Norway, we decided to stop not trying.
Our first pregnancy
As you can imagine how the story goes, 4 weeks later while we were in Acadia, I was documenting elopements when I started feeling… off. Tom was in full denial, but I just knew. We grabbed a pregnancy test—and sure enough, it was very clearly positive.
Shock is the only way to describe it. Pure, total, disbelief.
But once the shock wore off, it quickly turned to excitement. A few days later, I called the doctor and scheduled my very first appointment. At the ultrasound, the baby measured at six weeks—but I was almost certain I was at least eight. And… there was no heartbeat.
They told me it could just be early, and asked me to come back in two weeks.
Those two weeks were brutal. Deep down, I already knew. We were in a campervan in the Catskills, and I just broke down crying. I told Tom: this isn’t going to end the way we want it to.
Back at the ultrasound, our fears were confirmed. Not only was there still no heartbeat, the embryo had actually gotten smaller.
I had two options: wait for it to pass naturally, or take a pill to speed it up. I chose to let it happen on its own… and of course, the process started the very next day—on a wedding day.
Miscarriage
The next few weeks were incredibly hard. Not just physically, but emotionally. Everyone’s experience with miscarriage is different. For me, the scariest part was not knowing what to expect. What was normal? When should I call a doctor? No one had given me a guide—or even an idea of what was coming.
That lack of support or clarity from the healthcare system was the first of many frustrations.
The following months were even worse. Looking back, I’m fairly certain I experienced postpartum depression. I was heartbroken, angry, and completely shut down. I didn’t mean to pull away from everyone, but I didn’t know how to ask for help. What do you even say? How do you go back to normal?
I’ve since learned I’d do things very differently if it happened again. But at the time, I had no idea what I needed—or how to talk about it. It wrecked me.
A few months went by and I knew I just needed a reset. And travel does that for me. I had a 3-week trip to Europe, and I knew this was the time I needed to start over. To gain back control over my mind, my heart, and to become the version of myself I wanted to be again.
Plus… I wanted to be a mother. A good, strong mother. And who I was in that moment, was definitely not that.
My trip healed me. I felt joy again. I took care of myself and my mindset. And it truly was the reset I needed.
I came home feeling like myself again. I was ready to get back to a place of happiness and positivity. And while it took time, I actually felt so much stronger in the end.
How I wish I handled miscarriage:
I wish I leaned on my people more. I tend to keep things to myself when I’m hurting, or I don’t want to inconvenience others. But in reality, I needed support. And I can’t expect support if I don’t ask for it, or if people don’t know what I’m going through.
I also wish I had found a therapist who specializes in fertility. Having someone who fully understands what you’re going through and can hold space for that — it makes a huge difference.
Turning a negative into a positive
Miscarriage is one of the loneliest experiences I’ve ever gone through. Even though it was early on, it was the loss of a future I had already started to dream about. But no one can truly understand — because it’s different for everyone.
That said, as hard as those months were, I had a huge mindset shift.
I became a better person because of what we went through. I can genuinely say that I love the person I am now. I realized I still had a lot of healing and growth to do. And my top priority as a mom is to be a confident, kind, and patient human that my kids can look up to. I want them to learn how to treat others with compassion, to avoid negativity and comparison, and to feel confident in exactly who they are.
But how could I expect them to be that — if I wasn’t being that myself?
Without the miscarriage, I wouldn’t have learned who I wanted to be. I also wouldn’t have known how deeply I wanted to be a mom. And now, I feel stronger, happier, and so ready to give this little one a life filled with love.
The many months leading to a second positive pregnancy test
Even though I was in a much healthier state of mind, I couldn’t help but obsess over why we couldn’t get pregnant again. It made no sense. It happened the first time so easily — why was it so hard now?
I was reading all the books, all the articles, taking a million tests, tracking my cycles — just stressing myself out over every little thing.
Month after month passed, and it still wasn’t happening. I was starting to feel so defeated… but also trying not to stress. And my gosh, is that easier said than done.
I always think about the stories where people stop stressing, decide to try something else, and then magically get pregnant naturally. So I tried to relax. I really did.
But I was in this weird in-between — if I didn’t research, how would I know what’s wrong? But if I did research, I was spiraling.
So I started checking the medical boxes.
- Blood work? Check.
- HSG to make sure my tubes were open? Check.
- Quit drinking? Check.
- Stay active and eat healthy? Check.
- Tom limiting alcohol and focusing on his health too? Check.
After the HSG test (which — if you’re curious, feel free to reach out, but man… that sucked), I knew we had done everything we could. So we gave ourselves a deadline. If we weren’t pregnant by next fall, we’d start exploring other routes.
I went into the new year focused entirely on me. I stopped drinking. I started eating clean and getting into a consistent workout routine. I began cleaning up my business and finding ways to slow down. I was living in alignment again — and it felt so good.
I finally relaxed. For real.
Then, on February 15th, after being a few days late… I just knew.
I took a test the second I woke up — and it was undeniably positive.
A flood of emotions hit: relief, joy, nerves, excitement, anxiety.
But mostly — relief.
We did it. And because of everything we had already been through, I actually felt prepared.
Then the relief turned to worry
Each week that passed, I was filled with nerves. I didn’t want to go through what we had already been through. I had worked so hard on my mental health — the idea of reliving it all again was terrifying.
The first 3 months (AKA first trimester)
The good news? I immediately started feeling awful.
Nausea hit like clockwork around 11am and stuck around until bedtime. I was completely exhausted — like, falling-asleep-mid-conversation kind of exhausted. And I was STARVING. I could eat an entire meal and still be hungry.
They say that feeling like crap is a sign of a healthy pregnancy… so I took it as a win.
But during those three months, I had a ton of travel lined up.
First, we went to Tahoe for a ski trip. I basically slept through the entire thing.
Then I flew to Aruba to meet my mom and sister — and that’s when the panic set in. The heat oddly made me feel better, which freaked me out. I was convinced something was wrong because I wasn’t feeling as sick.
I got home and immediately went to the doctor, and thankfully, everything looked perfect. Huge sigh of relief.
Then came Japan — one of my all-time favorite countries, but the trip itself was really difficult. The time difference hit hard, especially with how exhausted I already was. I couldn’t enjoy the food the way I normally would. And baby brain? Real. I’ve never made so many mistakes traveling in my life.
But one of the most beautiful moments happened while we were there.
We found a quiet little park and sat on a bench together to open the email with our baby’s gender. It said BOY. We were both in shock — and so, so happy. Everyone (including us) was convinced it was a girl. So I had to take a moment to digest the idea of being a boy mom… and now, honestly, I couldn’t be more excited.
Toward the end of the trip, I hit my breaking point. I looked at Tom and asked, “Can we just go home and finish our vacation there?” And of course, he said yes. We had the most relaxing time once we were home — and it was exactly what I needed.
Then, like magic, as soon as I hit 13 weeks, I woke up and felt like a brand new person. The energy came back. The nausea eased. I was ready to take on the world again.
The second trimester
As I write this, I’m currently 25 weeks pregnant.
The second trimester has been mostly positive — but definitely not without its challenges.
At the beginning of June, while in Acadia, I seriously hurt my shin. That injury set me back a lot in terms of staying active and feeling strong. So now I’m in the process of rebuilding that strength and movement again.
Sleep has also been a bit of a struggle. My hips have been so sore, especially at night. But I’ve started incorporating yoga and nightly stretching into my routine, and that’s helped a lot. AND I just had the best massage of my entire life. Self care for the winnnn!
I still have quite the journey ahead, so come on back as I continue sharing.
Struggling with fertilitiy?
If you are struggling with fertility, I hope that my story is another one of those that gives you optimism. I know for me, hearing everyones success stories gave me so much joy and positivity that this would eventually be me one day too. We all go through this process differently, so just know that your story is your own.
I wanted to share a few things that I did that helped me:
- My “checklist”: AKA… what COULD be wrong, and how do I figure out if that’s what it is? Things like blood work, making sure my tubes weren’t blocked, male fertility, my own health, cleaning up my house products, etc.
- Find your “crew”: Two of my best friends were also struggling with fertility, so we started a little group chat where we just talked fertility, but most of all, checked in on eachother. We gave eachother updates, shared what we were doing, or things we’ve learned. It was just so nice to not feel alone in the process.
- Reading books that I fully align with: I read Real Food with Pregnancy which I found to be helpful when it came to what I was eating and my health. I also loved the book What to Expect when you’re expecting.
- Focusing on myself: Mentally and physically. This was really important to me, because after checking off all of the boxes, I realized that the only thing that I could control was how I was taking care of myself.
- I use the Peleton app and do Madeline Moves workouts, hike, do yoga and go for walks. Just moving every single day.
- Meditation – I’m not religious with this, but I now know when I need to quiet my mind, and I really take the time to do that now.
- Morning routine – I have a veryyy peaceful morning routine. I typically wake up, clean up our downstairs, sit and read for 30 minutes, then do my workout or go for a walk. I do my best to try to not start working until about 8:30am.
- Intentional work – this is a privilege that not many have, but as an entrepreneur, I take a lot of breaks now. I work really hard for a few hours, then when I’m feeling done, I take a break until I’m ready to get back to it.
- Cut out any negativity: If something or someone isn’t bringing you joy, it is completely ok with muting them, letting them/it go, and focusing on filling your time with positivity.
If you made it this far, thank you for reading. If you have any questions at all, please feel free to reach out at hello@kelseyconverse.com!